


The Weight of Living

by grangered



Category: DC Cinematic Universe, Wonder Woman (2017)
Genre: F/M, I'm Sorry, but it has a happy ending and some happy in betweens, this is so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 11:58:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grangered/pseuds/grangered
Summary: Steve Trevor dies. He dies and nothing is left of him, just the smell of smoke and burnt ashes.And a watch.Or, Diana in the aftermath of the war.





	The Weight of Living

_"Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word." - George RR Martin, A Game Of Thrones_

 

 

Steve Trevor dies. He dies and nothing is left of him, just the smell of smoke and burnt ashes.

And a watch.

Diana does not know what to do. She had never experienced loss; not until her aunt died in her arms and the man she loved died on a plane. Both those events followed each other so closely, so cruelly.

She does not understand this life, does not understand why fate made it so that she had to kill her own brother. She does not know what to do and she does not know who to go to and for the first time in a very long time, she is lost.

The war ends but she doesn’t feel happiness. Not with how much blood has been spilt, not with how many orphans are left, not with how many families are left with no food, no clothes, no homes. But life goes on, and people are trying to recover.

Etta is getting married in the winter and Diana hugs her as tightly as she can when she tells her, over lunch at an Italian place they go to every month. The ring on her finger matches the sparkle in her eyes. Diana tells her so, and Etta blushes beet red.

“You’re too lovely to me, Diana,” she says and Diana grins.

“I'm merely stating a fact,” Diana returns and Etta shrugs her off.

“I want you to be a bridesmaid. Well really it’ll be just you and my sister, who’s maid of honour.” Etta says in response and Diana is faintly aware of the term. Etta, being probably the kindest person Diana has ever met, explains it to her when she catches on to the unsure look on her face.

“A bridesmaid is sort of like the bride’s best friend. Someone who she trusts completely. The bride has to walk down an aisle in a church and traditionally, the bridesmaids walk down the aisle first. But she also provides the bride with support and helps with planning, and she’s someone the bride can rely on. Does that make any sense?”

Diana can feel emotion clogging up her throat, but she nods before replying.

“It would be my honour, Etta Candy.”

Etta gives her the biggest smile before swallowing a mouthful of pasta. She animatedly tells her about the dress and the cake and the flowers and Diana listens, taking mental notes. If she’s going to help plan this, she has to be well versed with all these terms. When they part, Etta kisses her on the cheek.

“I’ll give you a ring this weekend, we can go find you a dress,” she says as she walks backwards towards the taxi and Diana nods.  

***

The wedding is beautiful. Etta looks radiant and James, Diana notes as she watches him watch Etta walk down the aisle, looks so overwhelmed, so in love. The two of them start crying as they exchange their vows, and Diana shoots Etta an encouraging smile as the latter hiccups through her words. From the pews, Sameer and Charlie cheer as James and Etta kiss and Chief claps loudly. The weight that had settled in her chest ever since the war had ended, feels less heavy today.

Something in her rib cage loosens.

Charlie sings while the couple have their first dance, and Diana thinks about the time Steve had explained marriage to her. It seems like a life time ago yet like it just happened yesterday. Her thoughts are interrupted by Chief, who takes a seat next to her.

“You look lovely, Miss. Diana,” he says and Diana smiles.

“I could say the same about you, Chief,” she responds. He laughs.

“I’m going back home, next week,” he says. Diana nods. She was expecting this. Sameer is already planning on returning to France and Charlie came from Scotland to attend Etta’s wedding. Sometimes she wonders if she should go back home, back to her mother. Away from the world of men and their bloodshed.

But she cannot, knows she cannot, because she was brought to this place for a reason. Ares may be gone, but so many of mankind are fickle and spiteful beings. The war is not here for now but that does not mean it will not return. And Diana knows it will.

“You will be missed,” she says and he smiles.

“If you’re ever there, you should come visit me and my family,” he returns and Diana nods.

“Of course I will,” she says and when she does not get a response, she looks up to see Chief watching her carefully. She opens her mouth to ask him what it is, but he beats her to it.

“You must try move on, Diana. Holding grief so closely to your heart, not telling anyone about it, it’s not healthy. Even for you.”

Diana looks at him carefully in turn, taking a deep breath. She doesn’t know what to say, so she nods. He’s right, she knows. But letting go is difficult. No one had ever taught her that back home. No one had ever _had_ to.

Chief bids her a farewell and she squeezes his hand, before she watches him leave the room. Charlie shoots her a wink as he continues singing about something she doesn’t know about and Sameer offers her a slice of cake, before sitting down next to her.

Diana watches James twirl Etta, watches Etta blush and laugh, watches them dance. Diana watches and dimly wonders if in some alternate universe, if that could have ever been her and Steve.

***

Diana doesn’t really have much to do, now that it’s been a year since the war ended. She is hailed a hero and they start calling her Wonder Woman which is odd but nice. But for the most part, she keeps to herself. She trains as a nurse and the job keeps her busy for most of the day. Chief writes to her every handful of months and Sameer and Charlie visit whenever they can. Sameer is married now, to a man whom he met a _boulangerie_ ; a story Diana loves hearing him tell her. Etta visits every week with her bundle of a new born daughter, Stephanie, who’s all blue eyes and dark hair. Diana is her godmother and she still doesn’t entirely understand the concept, but she loves it anyways.

Life goes on and on and on, years passing by faster than Diana can process. There are more weddings and more babies and Diana learns to live. To live in a way that she had not before.

Life goes on and on and on, but Steve Trevor remains dead. Gone forever.  

She does not, _cannot_ , learn to live with this.

***

Everyone she knows has greying hair and wrinkles at the corner of their eyes when the Second World War starts. She killed Ares but now there is another, in Germany, who is just as cruel if not more and Diana wonders if it will ever stop. People die, children die, _no_ , are killed and Diana spends six years with anger burning through her veins, in her bloodstream. That feeling is all too familiar.

 The war ends, and again, people celebrate and sing and dance.

Diana goes to her apartment, which has surprisingly stayed intact throughout all the bombings and amidst all the destruction, and she wretches into her kitchen sink. She showers after that, and scrubs, scrubs, scrubs, until her skin is raw and she can pretend that the remnants of war no longer lurk in her presence. She makes coffee afterwards, something Charlie had introduced to her almost twenty years ago, and turns on the radio.

The presenter talks about how marvellous this is, how good always prevails and how God has helped them survive this. He talks and talks and talks, about how things will be better now and how justice has been served. Diana thinks of the gas chambers, of the broken families and homes, of the cries of women watching their husbands and sons die. Diana thinks and thinks and thinks, and then shuts off the radio. Throws it against the wall.

For once, she is grateful that Steve is not here. That he does not have to witness this once more.

***

Etta, Sameer, Chief, Charlie; they're all long gone and Diana misses their presence so sharply sometimes that it feels like a jab to her gut. She visits Stephanie whenever she’s in London, who is also now older than her, salt and pepper hair always pulled into a bun.

“Hello Godmother,” is the way she always greets her and Diana always pulls her into a hug. “It’s a bit odd isn’t it? Me being older than you, but still calling you that.”

“No, it is not,” Diana says. “You will always be little in my eyes.”

Stephanie smiles, her grin so much like her mother’s, eyes crinkled at the edges. They talk for hours and hours, before Diana realises she's late for her meeting.

“You must come by more often,” Stephanie says as she pulls away from a hug and Diana hums. “I’m being serious!”

“I know, little Stephanie. And I will try,” Diana promises, squeezing her hand.

She arrives just in time for her meeting with Bruce Wayne. She doesn’t trust him at all.

 “How are you?” she asks Bruce as he pours her champagne. Bruce shrugs.

“You?” he asks, as he hands her the flute and she shrugs.

“Thank you for the picture,” she says because she truly is grateful.

“It was nothing,” he says and Diana knows he’s lying but she nods.

“If you’re expecting an explanation, then you will be disappointed,” she says because she knows that is what he is here for.

Bruce merely shakes his head. “I just came to say hello. To a fellow _superhero_.”

The word superhero falls mockingly on his tongue and Diana smirks. It is what the whole world is calling them now.

“How courteous,” she responds and he grins. He asks her about her antiques and she is grateful because she does not think she can speak in riddles for so long, so she tells him about an ancient Indian vase and he nods, listens. He leaves her his business card before he bids her farewell.

***

She eventually tells Bruce Wayne about everything, from the very start to the very end. They are friends now; not as close as she was to Chief, Etta, Charlie or Sameer but still, close enough. There is something about saving the world together that bonds people, Diana thinks drily.

 He listens and does not say anything when she chokes on her words as she tells him about Steve.

He tells her as well, about his family, about the woman Rachel Dawes whom he loved and who died and Diana realises how similar they are. How much loss he has felt too.

***

More _superheroes_ arrive. Diana hates the word.

 There is the man from the oceans, Arthur Curry. Whenever she sees him, she thinks of Poseidon. Of how they have probably met each other. How odd it is that this man probably knows her _uncle_ better than she ever will. What a small world, she thinks wryly.

Victor Stone is the next one to show up. He's quiet at first. She understands his hesitance, knows what his parents had done to him and can't imagine being betrayed like that so she does not push him.

Then there is the boy, Barry Allen. He’s so young, the youngest she has ever seen. But he has a fighting spirit and he’s amusing and hilarious but carries a weight on his shoulders that Diana can tell, is dragging him down.

Clark Kent is reborn, or he was never dead. Diana does not ask and he does not tell but he regards her with respect and she does the same with him.

They're an odd bunch but they fight and fight and fight, trying to save the world. She knows it is an impossible task. She has been here long enough to know that something will always crop up. Evil is always present, and that is why they are necessary. Sometimes, when the weight is too much and the blood flows too freely, she thinks of Steve Trevor and his optimism.

Then again, she has never not thought about him.

***

Diana has always known that she is not immortal. She is as close as one can get to being immortal but she still bruises and bleeds. She is not surprised when she dies. Bruce is; he holds her hand as she struggles for breath. His hair is almost completely grey. Clark watches from the side, and Barry stands next to him, gripping his arm. He’s shaking. Then again, so is Clark. Victor is crouched next to them, eyes glassy and breath coming out in pants. Arthur is on his knees, next to her. He tries to stop the bleeding, but she knows it’s futile.

“You must continue to fight,” she says out loud, to all of them. “You must not stop.”

She can feel the life seeping out of her. She has not felt this calm since she was a little girl. She grips the worn, leather banded watch in her right hand and closes her eyes.

***

Diana opens her eyes, and she feels warm.  She stands up slowly, knees slightly shaking.

“Took you long enough,” Steve Trevor jokes, eyes as blue as the waters that surround Themyscira. Diana touches his cheek, which is warm and rough with the slight stubble he always keeps.

“You’re here,” she says and Steve cups her face.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” he responds and she leans her forehead against his. “You have something of mine.”

She glances down at her wrist, sees the worn out watch.

“It’s mine,” she says, and Steve grins, eyes crinkling. She has waited almost two centuries to see that smile.

“We can share it,” he barters and Diana pretends to consider his offer.

“Perhaps,” she says.

“We have time,” he replies. She hums before pulling him into a kiss.

That, they do. They have all the time in the world.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ohhhhh boy, this was a long time coming. i looooved the movie so much and steve trevor is the actual love of my life. i was so sad when he died, he deserved so much better. and my girl diana, is so adorable but kick ass like!!!! this fic was honestly, probably one of the saddest/darkest fics i've written in the sense that i don't imagine diana being truly happy ever especially with how much she has experienced i.e the loss of her aunt, steve, and also having to live past all her friends and watching them die too, the wars she's experienced, having to leave her home etc. 
> 
> basically, diana imo has had it really hard and i want to give her a blanket and a hug. 
> 
> it is my firm belief that all of the justice league are bffs (idk about canon lmao but i imagine not all of them are besties) and i only included the ones who've been featured in the movies so far. bruce wayne in this, is a mixture of the bruce from the dark knight trilogy and the bvs bruce which is why i mention rachel. 
> 
> ANYWAYS, i hope this didn't suck because i literally wrote it in like 3 hours. comments and kudos are highly appreciated. also, i apologise for the angst but once i started, i couldn't stop. i hope the ending was satisfying enough to make up for the general emo-ness of this fic. 
> 
> title comes from bastilles' "weight of living".
> 
> p.s. very slightly edited so forgive me for the mistakes.


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